Psychosis wine
2010-07-31, 10:26 p.m.

Period psychosis. I would do something about it, but I don't have a doctor's appointment until late August. I hear voices, but I know they are created by my wavering horomone levels. I can't sleep until 3 am and I feel exhausted. Things seem hopeless as usual, but at least I don't feel like cutting myself and hiding the razors in the bible. I put my money there. It feels safer there. I took some klonopin and got some rebound anxiety I'm attempting to drink away.

The actual symptoms of mental illness are not fascinating to most people. Its usually the shit that crazy people say that gets the biggest reaction.

Am I really going to work tomorrow? I don't feel sane enough. Klonopin doesn't work. I would get high, but my bf thinks I should support him in his sobriety. I have been weed free for one month and he has been weed free for one week. Fucking hypocrite. I wish he could experience one hour of my period psychosis, just to know that I am fucking sick and miserable right now.

What am I doing? Can I just say that I don't like the pseudo california way that guys dress? Or is it new rave? Long shirts with neon colors and hair in buns. Bright shirts with big glasses and ironic gold chains. Maybe this is a hipster way of dressing? Is New York so sick of itself that it is becoming California? No Never.

Wrapping my psychosis in a tidy bundle of wine and self pedicure. The focus that is involved in pedicures and spray paint on fresh canvas nourishes me. into the black night of the soul is planted a seed, sprouts a translucent green shoot that will eventually be killed, folded onto itself, for pining and wanting something that will never come.