bed of long red feathers, petals, and bright green vines coiled around me
2022-01-06, 2:47 a.m.

i'm overthinking everything and i need a space beyond the four walls. i hope i get the energy to take long walks soon. i loved my after work times in tweed booties strolling in the field of yellow flowers by the croquet field stressed about my thoughtlessly obnoxious roommate. i spent more time outside, everything was more accessible near the obnoxious roommate's house, 30 mins and i was basically in the park. meds included a double dose of *r*m*d*l, which somehow worked more effectively than anything else i was given, even somewhat stronger meds as my spinal condition worsened. one thing i remember was how the chemistry and platonic love between my classmate and i led to so many cute adventures, until he was on meds of his own and became a robotic loop of amphetamines. sometimes i remember little moments of us and savor our in person friendship. but i know we both view our pasts with rose colored glasses, the reality was that school made us miserable but we clung to each other, miraculously never got parking tickets for parking wherever we wanted while we retrieved sashimi orders downtown & repelled the awkward grad school bullying that resembles highschool social ostracism

When i wistfully looked at my ex during our semi annual goodbye in his apartment, he said we've both been getting better, after i told him, at the core of my prosperity wishes is only to be back from my sojourn, with better job prospects, in his apartment. i guess that was his way of saying we should officially get back together but i only take words at face value in relationships now

Today when i meditated on what the inside of my heart looks like, i saw thousands of green mirror pieces like the shah cheragh mosque, and i slept on the floor, nestled in a bed of long red feathers, petals, and bright green vines coiled around me