Alcohol Meditation
2010-06-07, 11:33 a.m.

Last night I drank wine until my thoughts stopped moving in circles around my brain. A meditation shortcut. I couldn't picture a blank screen or a blank paper without filling it with pictures and words so I drank until it stopped. I couldn't even finish a second glass. I have no tolerance for alcohol anymore.

Then I listened to Jeff Buckley and cried my PMDD tears. They feel so real I actually think the world is ending. I wrote some shitty poetry and had some weird dreams. I thought I didn't have a hangover, but now I realize that my stomach has a hangover.

I worked at BG this weekend, picking up shoes. Then someone told me I was only making eight an hour. WTF? I'm never doing it again. I didn't yell at the temp coordinator because it was my fault. I assumed it was the usual rate but now I know the first question is always "how much?" When he called me this morning I just told him I was busy. My mom says that I should have told him to fuck off, but I have to be diplomatic so I can get another assignment.

I fucking hate the entitled air of luxury store consumers. I hate their children even more. One mini Lohan asked me what 30% of $839 was and I said: "I don't work here" she said, "Then go find me someone" so I walked to the back of the section and stayed there for 30 mins. I teach people how to do math all the time. I was tempted to say "take out your cell phone and hit calculator" But her mom was standing right there with a fucking blank stare on her face. Shoes go on your feet. They touch the dirt and dog shit. I would never pay $800 for shoes, not even if I had it because that's fucking crazy.

I picked up a Dior white strappy sandal and the "D" fell off. I watched as the light hit it and kicked it to the corner. Who's going to buy ior?