Panic blooms like blood in water
2010-10-01, 11:08 a.m.

Today is the only day of the week I can sleep late! It feels good to wake up at 10:30.

I had a huge panic attack yesterday because I spent 15 hours in school and my brain was completely fried by all the stuff I had to do at work. So I treated myself to a Gin and Orange Juice with dinner even though it was Thursday. I still feel panicked right now but I think some Twinnings Chai would make me feel better.

I would like to go to the Pier today and breathe some fresh air but there are so many other things I have to do. At least I finished my powerpoint. I hate powerpoint. I finished it at 2 am. How am I awake right now? I should be having some Brazilian coffee downtown and shopping. I've never had Brazilian coffee but I saw a new cafe open and I really want to go. Maybe it has so much caffeine it will give wings like red bull.

Whenever I drink red bull I think about church. The only time I drank red bull was to wake up early and go to sunday school. I used to drink red bull and eat apple sauce. I liked the chemical taste of red bull and the sweetness of apple sauce. Now that I think about it, that was a weird combo. I can't believe I ever woke up that early on a Sunday and dressed up. Crazy! Maybe I can wake up early and do yoga on Sunday. Yesterday when I got drunk I felt all the tightness and pains of my muscles. Maybe the adrenaline of the week kept me from feeling pain before.

My DVD player is broken. I really need a new one. It is annoying to use my PS2 to watch movies. SHIT that reminds me, I didn't return my netflix. I know I'm just babbling, I'm just trying to get over the panic in my chest. I hate waking up with a panic attack I hope it goes away soon.

Yesterday's drug class was so funny. I was delirious and I said "Meth is such an instantaneous, ecstastic euphoria that humans carry out the animal system of operant condition. Like rats they will push the button until they die." I said it because my classmates were asking why people try meth in the first place and why one woman that we saw in the meth documentary didn't care that she was losing her children. These people take notes on all the shit the prof says I think they don't even know what drugs are.

P.S. My BFF is gone. She found a new BFF. It sucks that I'm older and I still care about my BFFS. Why can't I assume the chrome parts of robotic humans?