Black Friday Rambling
2019-11-29, 8:24 p.m.

Nails: burberry design with OPI dark taupe. Drinks: La Croix Mure Pepino. Shoes: Knee Length Sorel, Bag: Fake LV, Scarf: Grover fur, dark blue snuffaluffagus

Hey long time no write. I have crazy homesickness right now. I've been procrastinating about stats, but whats new. I always do that. I am setting the deadline for an hour from now and not going to sleep until I finish my papers. It is hard for other people to understand but easy for me. It takes a long time for me be to become pain free. Hours and hours. The mornings are the worst times. I feel bad because I'm not part of the morning crowd. But by the time I feel ok, it's past noon. I'm ready to be out at 3 pm. I go to the supermarket to see people and buy snacks. I start cleaning the house at 11 pm and I sit with my laptop listening to movies feeling like shit for not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing. I know I need at least 2 days to recover from work though. Having a chronic illness is one of those permanent algorithms in the body that cut off your ability to push yourself. 3 days of work waking up at 6 am and my body can't hold it together anymore. I sleep, zone out, and recover, then push myself to do things.

There's a lot of pep talks to myself in here. So i guess i should come up with one more. Work for yourself the way you work when you're employed and you have to. Give yourself quality and earnestness because you deserve the same level for your work. Drink lots of water. Remember taking vitamin D when there's no sun out. Expensive Weleda Arnica Oil is a miracle. Get some as soon as you can and anoint yourself with it. Acupuncture is worth it to reset the pain. The next time you order the needles, get 2000, it will last 6 yrs. It helps.

Seriously. I needled GV24 and it spurted blood in the corner of my office table. My blood pressure and migraine lowered. I hate running out of acupuncture needles. I wish I could find 2 more fresh packs. I would needle the scapular bone and be out of this agony. I did some sham points on the ac joint and collar bone and felt the pain shoot out and off my shoulder. I always have trouble describing that pain. Its a deep bruise. Like someone took a raw butter knife and scraped my muscles raw then sewed my skin back up. it feels like my muscles and bones are sick and filled with deep trauma.

Part of my mental distress and procrastination is that I'm in school isolation. The only time people talk to me is to project their extreme anxiety and depression or to ask when I'll be done with my dissertation, not that they even want me back. It's funny how that happens.

I'm still going to do this. I have no choice.

I meant to say something great and uplifting. I've been cleaning and sweeping regularly? I replace all the towels and wash cloths frequently? Like real grown up stuff? Idk. I just heard my name on CNN it means I really need to finish my paper. If I finish it I'll write more stuff.

Black Friday. I bought 2 towels for $10 and a camping alternative down blanket for $20. You know. For all the camping I'm doing