I need a miracle
2021-01-19, 4:44 p.m.

3 day migraine from upper back pain. it's hell. i feel like i'm throwing meds down a well. I'm at the bottom of the well. By the time the meds get to me I'm throwing up from the impact or they don't work because of how long they had to travel. i need to go to the ER or try slightly expired muscle relaxers. I hate mixing meds especially when I'm tired. I prefer to take same meds just increased, plus vitamins i'm usually deficient in. I look longingly at an empty 7 year old bottle of valium because it is the one medicine that was not strong enough to cause central apnea but put my spasms to rest. Last night I extended my arm to put my phone to charge and the muscles contracted so strongly i dropped my phone.

i cannot decide if i'm hungry, exhausted, or burnt out. i just found out i have a 20 page paper due for my class, a 20 page paper due for mandatory exam, and my dissertation proposal. idk if i need adderall or a miracle. possibly both. but when i really get into the thinking behind it, i'm writing about a patient i really rooted for and spent a lot of time conceptualizing, so the clinical part is no issue. and for the class, i've been preaching to my students about these things for at least 2 years. i want to hire a tutor, but they have all been awful.

I feel like shit because I submitted my latest attempt at dissertation and have received no feedback. At least I can move on to the next assignment. 60 pages, in 2 months