Taurus and Gemini
2022-03-31, 11:36 p.m.

I've never thought of how beautiful I felt when I see myself through the eyes of someone who loved me. It is a comfort and a perfection that turns you into something valuable, like numbers that hit in the powerball drawing, like diamonds hidden in a mine. when you are found and seen, and loved, this worship blows all the dust off. It is the feeling of being pristine. Our youth reminds me of that pristine feeling, it puts rose-colored glasses on everything else that happened. I don't remember how shitty it was to be betrayed or cheated on, or how depressed you eventually made me. All I remember is our time in the sun, even if it was the ghetto. It was our beautiful hidden place. Where you knew all the secret spots, and would get me into them like the matrix. Swing me up into the fire escape, find an alley with nice ledges, a hospital garden suddenly unlocked, the cafeteria in the ER with two pieces of tiramisu. Only you could get me to stay uptown, until my heart fully wrenched you out after six years of mourning, two additional years of healing. I never thought I would be with anyone else so I didn't plan for dating and romance. By the end I felt unlovable. You wanted me to fight for you, but you never looked out the window or heard me throwing whatever I found at the glass, hoping I would alert you to my presence. Of course it hurt us at different times. I was burnt out from all the times you left and came back. Then I left and you immediately moved on. I fixed you for all of my replacements.

I found my first entrancing gemini in psychopharmacology and i fought valiantly not to love him. His words and eye contact pulled me into a far off galaxy. We both wore business clothing and he liked the way we matched. He told me later that if he had not been betrothed to someone since birth, I would be his and he would be mine. This infatuation and heartbreak had me smoking cigarettes and crying for the entire semester, while i let the adderall leave my system. Then I realized how stupid I had been and let him know there was no bitterness between us because he is the same with everyone, I just let myself get trapped. I know they're not together anymore but I can't bring myself to say anything to someone so callous. I decided that would be the very last gemini I would ever date. When I encounter their sparkling wit and eyes in the wild I release the icy aqua glacial walls so that I never fall for this again.