drifting
2009-05-31, 5:29 p.m.

I'm dirtying my liver with some cachaca and orange juice, after a week or so of cleansing it.

I'm alternating between crushing depression and thinking everything is ok. Because it is, only, I don't see it that way because of PMDD.

My boyfriend is possibly breaking up with me. It happens every year or so. This is making it harder to see through the smog of temporary depression. Things were so good for so long that I forgot we have this problem. Or I was just fooling myself. He was saying that we have a lot of problems but I don't see them. Unless there's another me he's arguing with.

I tried to settle into a deep and comfortable depression with all my saddest songs on itunes, but I don't really feel that bad about it. I actually wanted to cry but I couldn't. This is the type of depression that lets you pick your head up out of the black water. It's the kind of depression that lets you relax on its surface, but doesn't let you find land.