i will love you in every lifetime
2015-07-16, 5:21 p.m.

I miss our secret jokes, silly drawings, special drinks. I miss our late night laundry rendezvous. I miss seeing you at the entrance of my building, walking with a model swagger. I miss your white book bag, your bag of groceries and red bull for sleepover time I miss your small deep and piercing eyes. I miss your ears. I miss your nose (which looks just like your mom's nose)I miss your weird tee shirts. I miss the curve of your back. I miss seeing the letters of your name on the screen of my phone. I miss the lines of your palm, your messed up finger joints. I miss your quiet voice. I miss your pheromones, your strawberry blond beard. I miss your pale muscular body covered in down. I miss your short nails and strong forearms. I miss the feeling of your hand on the small of my back and massaging my neck, untangling my hair. I miss forehead kisses. I miss your weary head on my shoulder, your short efficient kisses on my mouth. I treasure the kiss on the train and the nervous euphoric passion that exploded in my heart. I can't believe that you don't love me. I can't believe that after all of this it is easy for you to never speak to me again. I can't believe that I can't let go of you, because it is so easy for you to run back to her and forget me. I wish I could have a sign that you still love me and that you are sorry for what you did. I can't speak to you because what you did was an abomination. It hurts that you don't regret any of it. The dichotomy of what I loved about you and how deeply you hurt me is part of how hard it is. I know that God brought me an angel to appease the brokenness you left behind. I know I have to be strong. I've been hurt even worse than this. It took a long time to get over it. About 3 years. That's how long I've known you. So maybe it will take me 3 more years. While we are still neighbors, you have hidden yourself. If I saw you I wouldn't be able to say hello anyway. That's how hurt I am. My love asked me what would happen if you came back and I said there is nothing to come back to. Your cruelty has burned the bridge and I built a wall around me. Your cruelty burned my heart. I still look to the sky, asking for mercy. The deeper the love, the deeper the pain. Will you ever say "I'm so sorry that I lost you. I wish I still had you in my life. I would do anything to take back what I did. I love you. I will always love you, in every lifetime. You are a rare and precious jewel and I shouldn't have cast you away." I wanted a fairy tale for once. The one I love to love me back.