clear air and petrichor
2022-04-04, 2:22 a.m.

I had to. I couldn't miss the angel number combinations.

I meant to change the sheets. But it's only been 13 days since I changed them last. I can't cope with the physical exertion of it now. But I will soon. tomorrow I am throwing out more things. More bags of clothes and more plastic cubbies of old art supplies and nail polish. Finally able to actually look at my surroundings after years of mentally trying to live just above the point of drowning. It feels good to have a few calm moments. I hate flexeril but i like how it doesn't let me hold on to thoughts for too long. there is no endless stream. i blink and the thoughts are gone.

i great sunday, my training got extended because the administrators didn't fix my credentials until today. so tomorrow i anticipate getting all my training done on the cloud system. finally getting somewhere. a day of completion.

no more flexeril for me. just natural exhaustion. the migraines, dry mouth and eye pressure are too much. this would be the third discontinued medicine doctors have yelled at me to take i meant for this to be positive. but that is one of the flexeril brain fog things. meditation silence of the brain waves. i meant to write about the sublime walk i had by the stables under a perfectly grey dreary saturday sky. the air was beautifully frigid and i walked briskly because i had forgotten my coat. i will miss the fresh pure air when i leave this place. the smog of the city is disgusting. i hope i get to inhale clear air and petrichor once in a while. a tomato once grew by the east river by some miracle. most people were afraid to eat it. radioactivity and terroir of heroin and bum garbage just to give the reader an idea of how polluted nyc is